{"id":5134,"date":"2026-07-22T09:38:11","date_gmt":"2026-07-22T09:38:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5134"},"modified":"2026-07-22T09:38:11","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T09:38:11","slug":"asking-eric-her-question-about-my-husband-was-totally-inappropriate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5134","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Her question about my husband was totally inappropriate"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have an acquaintance (B) who asks very inappropriate questions, and I would like to tell her, but I don\u2019t want to make her feel bad. She does have a bit of a reputation for not understanding limits.<\/p>\n

Read more San Leandro man charged with helping suspect in hit and run that killed beloved Corvallis Elementary employee<\/a><\/p>\n

A neighbor to both of us was dying a couple of years ago and was under hospice care. Every time I encountered B, she asked if he had died.<\/p>\n

Now my husband is in hospice although he may be discharged soon as he is doing well. When I reluctantly told B that he was in hospice she said, \u201cIs he dying?\u201d<\/p>\n

In shock I responded that we are all dying. She brushed me off and repeated her question. I repeated my response.<\/p>\n

I had another friend who used to ask how much longer the ill person had to live. Someone did point out to her that it was not an appropriate question. I just don\u2019t know how to tell my acquaintance to stop.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Inappropriate Questions<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Questions<\/strong>: It\u2019s possible that your acquaintance thinks of the questions she\u2019s asking in a different way.<\/p>\n

She may think she\u2019s just asking for information or trying to understand someone\u2019s medical situation, or she may misunderstand hospice to only be for people who are going to die soon. She may have trouble picking up on social cues. So, telling her how her questions are landing with you could be helpful.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Use \u201cI\u201d statements to express yourself. \u201cWhen you asked if my husband is dying, I felt frustrated\/hurt\/angry because our focus is on his continued life. I don\u2019t respond well to that question. If you\u2019re curious how he\u2019s doing in the future, would you please ask, \u2018How is he?\u2019 instead?\u201d<\/p>\n

By keeping the conversation about specifics and by letting your acquaintance know how you\u2019d like future conversations to go, you empower her to adjust her behavior without getting drawn into a back-and-forth about her questioning quirks more generally.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I\u2019m going to college out of state in the fall. My boyfriend was supposed to go to the same school as me but now it looks like he\u2019s going to have to defer because of money.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been together all through high school. Now he\u2019s telling me he wants me to defer, too, so we can be together.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

He\u2019s being nice about it, but he says it really bothers him that we\u2019d be so far apart. The school is a six-hour drive away and driving seems like the best way to see each other since I can\u2019t afford to fly back and forth.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Out of the blue, she made an alarming comment about my house<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s really making him depressed, and I don\u2019t like seeing him that way.<\/p>\n

I care about him so much, but I have really been looking forward to starting college and trying something new. I worked really hard in high school. Not that he didn\u2019t. It\u2019s just not fair.<\/p>\n

He says he\u2019s going to get a job here and he said maybe we could get an apartment together. That sounds fun but it\u2019s not what I want. Can you tell me what to do?<\/p>\n

\u2013 To Stay or Go<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Stay or Go:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to refrain from telling you what to do because in your letter you\u2019ve already told me what you want to do.<\/p>\n

You wrote that you don\u2019t want to stay in your hometown right now; you wrote that you want to go to school in the fall. That suggests that, should you change your mind and stay, you risk resenting your boyfriend for the choice, which would make your relationship worse, not better.<\/p>\n

This is a tough moment in his life, and he may have to do some work internally to accept what\u2019s happening. He may feel envious of you and the experience you\u2019ll be having while at college. It may cause friction in your relationship for a time.<\/p>\n

But you can\u2019t avoid friction by just doing what he wants because the problems that created this situation won\u2019t go away without him doing the work he needs to do. Your presence may make him feel better, but it won\u2019t undo the financial situation he finds himself in or his feelings about it. Moreover, it\u2019s not your job to solve the problem.<\/p>\n

Right now, the job in front of both of you is moving into adulthood in ways that challenge you and help you to grow. That growth is going to help you be more well-rounded people and better partners for each other.<\/p>\n

Many couples have done the long-distance thing. As you probably know better than me, there are so many ways that technology can connect us when we\u2019re apart.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s going to change; you\u2019re going to change. Share those changes with each other and next year, when he joins you at school, you\u2019ll both be in much better positions.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Should I be worried that my boyfriend follows 500 women?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And when I tried to put her off, she asked a second time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Her question about my husband was totally inappropriate - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5134\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Her question about my husband was totally inappropriate - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"And when I tried to put her off, she asked a second time.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5134\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-22T09:38:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Her question about my husband was totally inappropriate\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-22T09:38:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134\"},\"wordCount\":925,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5134\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Her question about my husband was totally inappropriate - 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