{"id":497,"date":"2026-05-26T09:07:25","date_gmt":"2026-05-26T09:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=497"},"modified":"2026-05-26T09:07:25","modified_gmt":"2026-05-26T09:07:25","slug":"harriette-cole-since-i-moved-in-to-my-boyfriends-house-ive-been-biting-my-tongue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=497","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: Since I moved in to my boyfriend’s house, I’ve been biting my tongue"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I started living with my boyfriend, and it has been an adjustment. He grew up in a house full of boys \u2014 and it shows!<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: If I couldn\u2019t ask my guests to pay, I\u2019d never have a party<\/a><\/p>\n

Simple stuff like putting your clothes in the hamper is not regular to him; instead, he prefers to drop his clothes on the floor.<\/p>\n

I appreciate his willingness to live together and his initiative in growing our relationship, so I try not to come off as being a nag. However, I like my environment to look a certain way so that I can operate a certain way. It is difficult for me to maximize my productivity in a messy space.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to come in and start setting up rules for his house, but I do feel like since I\u2019m here, we might need to have some meaningful discussions to make it work.<\/p>\n

How should I open this conversation without coming off as judgmental?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Boy\u2019s House<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR BOY\u2019S HOUSE:<\/strong> Though you may be living in your boyfriend\u2019s house, it now needs to be your collective home.<\/p>\n

Start by talking to your boyfriend about how you like to keep your house. Point out that you think it\u2019s important for him to think about living with a partner now, rather than with \u201cthe boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Point out that that means putting clothes away, cleaning up after himself and basically being mindful that you live there, too. Ask him to work with you to transform your home into a place that makes both of you feel comfortable.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I am an American-born Caribbean woman currently dating an African American man. As we begin to get more serious, I want to introduce him to my family soon.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: He claims his job is more demanding than mine. It is not.<\/a><\/p>\n

I was raised in an open family that was not xenophobic or exclusionary, so I\u2019m not as worried about him being accepted as I am with him understanding our culture. There are a lot of unique elements in our customs that may not be so familiar to him, and I want to make sure he\u2019s prepared. Things like finishing your plate and not turning down food may seem small to him, but it\u2019s important to us.<\/p>\n

I can give him a rundown before we go, but I do not want to ask anyone I love to change for anyone else. I just want to make sure he\u2019s comfortable around everyone and doesn\u2019t feel out of place.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

How do I make sure that he feels accepted by my community?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Blending Cultures<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR BLENDING CULTURES<\/strong>: Don\u2019t think of this as a challenge. It is normal for families to have their ways of being and for some of them to be different from a partner who is coming into the fold.<\/p>\n

Just be honest with your boyfriend: Tell him that you want him to be aware of their idiosyncrasies so that he and they can be comfortable.<\/p>\n

You can also remind your family that he may not know everything that is important to them, but he will learn over time. Likewise, ask them to get to know him and what he cares about. Most of all, be patient and always have each other\u2019s backs.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more President Trump predicts Colbert finale is \u2018beginning of the end\u2019 of late night<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Harriette Cole: I don’t want to nag but this is not the way I want to live.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: Since I moved in to my boyfriend’s house, I’ve been biting my tongue - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=497\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: Since I moved in to my boyfriend’s house, I’ve been biting my tongue - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I don't want to nag but this is not the way I want to live.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=497\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-26T09:07:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: Since I moved in to my boyfriend’s house, I’ve been biting my tongue\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-05-26T09:07:25+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497\"},\"wordCount\":639,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=497\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: Since I moved in to my boyfriend’s house, I’ve been biting my tongue - 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