{"id":4947,"date":"2026-07-20T09:36:48","date_gmt":"2026-07-20T09:36:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4947"},"modified":"2026-07-20T09:36:48","modified_gmt":"2026-07-20T09:36:48","slug":"asking-eric-he-doesnt-understand-the-concept-of-indoor-shoes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4947","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: He doesn’t understand the concept of indoor shoes"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> My family has always left shoes at the door, except for occasional circumstances like parties, et cetera. Those who prefer wearing shoes have shoes that they only wear indoors.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been<\/a><\/p>\n

My significant other does not really understand this concept. He makes numerous trips to the garage and outdoors and wears those gritty shoes in the house. I tend to go barefoot often, and I can feel the grit on the hardwood floors, even when I vacuum them often.<\/p>\n

Am I being unreasonable?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Shoes Off<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Shoes Off:<\/strong> Nope. But it seems you\u2019ve decided that you have a shoes-off house and your significant other may not have signed up for that. So, it may be helpful to agree to disagree and go back to having a basic conversation about how you can live together.<\/p>\n

You both know where the other person is coming from, which is good \u2013 even if he doesn\u2019t understand the concept. Now, for a moment, wipe the slate clean and talk about how you want to do things here and now. This may make for a more productive conversation because it\u2019s less about how you\u2019ve always done things and more about the household you\u2019re building together.<\/p>\n

Start simple: You are barefoot a lot, and you don\u2019t like to feel outside grit inside. Present it simply and ask him, what can we do so that both of us are comfortable?<\/p>\n

It may be as simple as him getting in the habit of switching to house shoes, him taking on more of the vacuuming and mopping, or him depositing his outdoor shoes in a vestibule. He, in turn, may have a request for you. Maybe he\u2019ll suggest that you wear house shoes instead of being barefoot, which would at least keep the grit away from your feet.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

As with every part of a relationship, this situation is about give and take. No one is right or wrong, per se. It\u2019s just about coming to an agreement about how you want to live together.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My mom has always suffered from mental health challenges. She\u2019s coped in life by using other people to take care of her in many different ways. She was unavailable to parent me other than meeting basic physical needs.<\/p>\n

She was never abusive, but she never helped me grow into a functional adult. I spent my early and mid-adulthood doing that for myself, with a lot of therapy and my own destructive path to account for.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m in a good place now, in my mid-60s, though I have my own mental health challenges. My mom is in her late 80s and overwhelmed by trying to care for herself.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

She refuses assisted living. She has a good income from a pension that will last her entire life, but her poor spending habits have left her in a precarious financial position. I won\u2019t spend my own limited savings to bail her out.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I\u2019m spending my money in this man\u2019s country and he snipes at how I dress?<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to resolve anything with her anymore; I want to limit my involvement with her as much as possible. I assist her in making choices about how she can arrange care for herself, but I no longer offer to be involved in her care.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m considering asking for an evaluation to have her be appointed a guardian by the court, although I think she would be judged capable of making her own care decisions.<\/p>\n

I know that I have to prioritize my own well-being, and I also know that I\u2019m failing her. It\u2019s an impossible place to be. Wondering if you have any comments.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Difficult Position<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Position:<\/strong> It sounds like you\u2019re doing the hard but necessary work of holding a boundary to protect yourself. To not do so would risk both of you being overwhelmed, possibly to the detriment of your mother\u2019s care and your own mental well-being.<\/p>\n

It also sounds like, given your history, you may not be the best person to assist in some cases. You may want to intercede, despite the trauma you\u2019ve experienced, but it may be better for your mother if you let professionals who don\u2019t have as much emotional entanglement step in.<\/p>\n

Have a conversation with her about the needs she\u2019s expressing or that you\u2019re seeing, and guide her to others who can assist, whether that\u2019s a senior manager, a social worker, an in-home aide or someone else. Your local department of aging will have resources; her doctor may as well.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s key that you\u2019re honest with her \u2013 \u201cThis is more than I can handle. We have to acknowledge the reality of what\u2019s needed. What do you want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

If she can be an active participant in her own decision-making, she should be. This may go against her nature, but that\u2019s not a problem you can or should solve. Help is available; she has to want it.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Should we let Leo know we\u2019d back him in a divorce?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t like to walk on grit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: He doesn’t understand the concept of indoor shoes - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4947\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: He doesn’t understand the concept of indoor shoes - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Am I being unreasonable? 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