{"id":4946,"date":"2026-07-20T09:05:45","date_gmt":"2026-07-20T09:05:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4946"},"modified":"2026-07-20T09:05:45","modified_gmt":"2026-07-20T09:05:45","slug":"harriette-cole-it-was-just-by-chance-that-i-learned-where-my-fiance-had-been","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4946","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I found out that my fiance recently went to his ex-girlfriend\u2019s birthday party, and he didn\u2019t tell me.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I\u2019m spending my money in this man\u2019s country and he snipes at how I dress?<\/a><\/p>\n

My fiance and I have been dating for three years and have been engaged for six months, but I can tell it\u2019s been hard for him to fully let go of his ex because they dated for eight years.<\/p>\n

Part of me wants to understand where he\u2019s coming from, but the other part of me has alarm bells ringing because why wouldn\u2019t he at least tell me he was going to her party?<\/p>\n

I only found out because a mutual friend casually mentioned seeing him there, and when I asked my fiance about it, he admitted that he went but said he didn\u2019t think it was a big deal. He told me they have remained friendly since the breakup and that several mutual friends were there, so he didn\u2019t think there was any reason to mention it beforehand.<\/p>\n

What bothers me most isn\u2019t necessarily that he attended the party, it\u2019s that he chose not to tell me.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m questioning whether this is a sign that he hasn\u2019t fully moved on from his previous relationship. I don\u2019t want to start our marriage with doubts or resentment. Do you think that this is a sign not to go forward with the marriage?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Red Flag<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR RED FLAG<\/strong>: This is cause for concern. Clearly, your fiance wanted to be at the party and didn\u2019t want to discuss it with you. Walking into a marriage, you don\u2019t want to have secrets like that.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Have you two done premarital counseling yet? That would be a great option for you to talk through everything \u2014 past relationships, finances, work, family planning, etc. With a counselor, you work through discussions of values and challenges. You two need to do this, especially regarding past lovers.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Should we let Leo know we\u2019d back him in a divorce?<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> For the Fourth of July, my great-aunt invited my family over for a cookout. We were willing to make the 90-minute drive there and back to see everyone and spend July Fourth with them.<\/p>\n

When my grandmother was on the phone with the host, her sister, she was informed that we needed to bring our own meat and buns if we wanted to eat anything grilled. My grandmother was furious and told her we were no longer coming, arguing that if you host a party and invite people to come over, you are responsible for providing the meat or main course.<\/p>\n

Whenever my grandma hosts a party, she doesn\u2019t expect anyone to bring anything and expects the same from others.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

What do you think about this situation? Was my grandma overreacting or was the host in the wrong?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Explosive Family Fireworks<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR EXPLOSIVE FAMILY FIREWORKS<\/strong>: People are often asked to bring something to a cookout, dinner or gathering. If they aren\u2019t, they sometimes take it upon themselves to ask the hosts what they can bring. However, it\u2019s not usually the main course, unless it is a potluck where everyone is contributing.<\/p>\n

It sounds like the host wasn\u2019t graceful in her request. It\u2019s understandable that your grandmother was upset.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Italian Family Festa returns to History Park San Jose July 25-26<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: Did my grandmother overreact about the cookout request?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4946\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: Did my grandmother overreact about the cookout request?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4946\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-20T09:05:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-20T09:05:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946\"},\"wordCount\":639,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4946\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: It was just by chance that I learned where my fiance had been - 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