{"id":4787,"date":"2026-07-18T08:06:23","date_gmt":"2026-07-18T08:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4787"},"modified":"2026-07-18T08:06:23","modified_gmt":"2026-07-18T08:06:23","slug":"dear-abby-im-trying-not-to-be-a-bratty-bride-but-my-feelings-are-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4787","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: I’m trying not to be a bratty bride but my feelings are hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: I have two best friends going back to third grade (we\u2019re in our 30s now) and one older sister. I\u2019m the last in my friend group to get married.<\/p>\n

Read more Man shot by San Leandro police died from self-inflicted gunshot<\/a><\/p>\n

My fiancee and I are eloping this summer. We already own a house and need nothing, so I told my mother and sister that a bridal shower is unnecessary. Plus, since we are eloping, I felt it rude to invite people to a shower when no one would be invited to the elopement.<\/p>\n

However, nobody has planned anything else for me. I understand people are busy with their own lives, but I always made time for them, and it makes me feel like I\u2019m not important to them. It\u2019s becoming increasingly difficult not to feel slighted and forgotten.<\/p>\n

I would have loved at least a fun girls\u2019 night at our favorite restaurant or even a quiet one watching chick flicks, wearing face masks and painting our toenails \u2014 a day where they said, \u201cWe thought about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

I worry that if I reach out to any of them about it, I\u2019ll sound like a spoiled brat. How can I manage these feelings?<\/p>\n

\u2014 BRIDE, NOT BRAT<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR BRIDE:<\/strong> Your friends and family are only doing exactly what you asked for. By eloping and refusing a bridal shower, you\u2019ve signaled that you want this event to pass uncelebrated by the people closest to you. If that\u2019s not really what you want, speak up now.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure your friends and sister would love to show you how happy they are for you and shower you with well wishes. Approach one of your friends, apologize for the misunderstanding and give your permission for her to plan the girls\u2019 night you were hoping for (or plan it with her).<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR ABBY:<\/strong> I lent my friend an outfit and cardigan to wear to a wedding. Despite not wearing the cardigan, she washed it before returning it and ruined it.<\/p>\n

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I didn\u2019t ask her not to wash it, and she didn\u2019t ask me if and how to wash it.<\/p>\n

She has offered to pay for the cardigan, but it cost a lot more than she\u2019s used to paying for her clothes, so I feel bad that she\u2019s stuck paying for something she had no idea was expensive.<\/p>\n

What is the laundry etiquette in cases like this? Should I have told her to return it unwashed? Should she have asked how I would like it returned?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Should I ask her to reimburse me for it or is it just water under the bridge? She\u2019s a good friend, and I don\u2019t want to lose her over this, but I admit I am feeling resentful.<\/p>\n

\u2014 DIRTY LAUNDRY IN CALIFORNIA<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR DIRTY LAUNDRY:<\/strong> Both of you are to blame for this: you for not specifying how you wanted your sweater returned, and her for not asking the question.<\/p>\n

Is the value of that sweater worth more than the friendship you have with this person? Because you know reimbursing you would be a stretch for her, why not chalk this up to an expensive lesson you learned?<\/p>\n

[Miss Manners answered the same letter. Here\u2019s what she said.]<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Wildfire smoke and World Cup final: Forecast leaves uncertainty about impact<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: She didn’t mean to destroy my sweater. Should I ask her to pay for it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":88,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: I’m trying not to be a bratty bride but my feelings are hurt - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4787\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: I’m trying not to be a bratty bride but my feelings are hurt - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: She didn't mean to destroy my sweater. 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