{"id":4732,"date":"2026-07-17T09:36:20","date_gmt":"2026-07-17T09:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4732"},"modified":"2026-07-17T09:36:20","modified_gmt":"2026-07-17T09:36:20","slug":"asking-eric-is-there-something-mentally-wrong-with-my-fiances-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4732","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Is there something mentally wrong with my fiance’s family?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I don\u2019t like to visit my fianc\u00e9\u2019s family with him because they don\u2019t talk to me when I\u2019m around them, and they don\u2019t ask me anything about me. They only want to talk about themselves, and that is all<\/em> they talk about.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I missed a few calls from my mom and she got all dramatic<\/a><\/p>\n

I have tried to make an effort on multiple occasions with them, and I have made sure I\u2019m friendly, approachable and polite, and I show an interest in their lives and ask how they are.<\/p>\n

They have never reciprocated the conversation and quickly change the subject to bring it back to them. So, I\u2019ve stopped talking to them, and I\u2019ve stopped going with my fianc\u00e9 to see them.<\/p>\n

I am not used to being around people who behave this way. My family were extremely welcoming and generous to everyone who visited. I am like that, and I surround myself with people who can hold a mutual conversation and are as interested in me as I am in them.<\/p>\n

Why are they like this? Is there something mentally wrong with people who just want to talk about themselves?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s sad. But they\u2019re so rude it hurts my feelings.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unwelcome Guest<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Guest:<\/strong> This is a tough position to be in. I empathize with how isolating it must feel to be around your fianc\u00e9\u2019s family members and yet still be treated as an outsider.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

The first part of this advice might seem like a cold comfort, but I hope you\u2019ll give it some consideration. It\u2019s possible that these folks just aren\u2019t adept at hospitality or are awkward conversationalists. This doesn\u2019t make everything OK, but what\u2019s coming across as rude and hurtful to you may not be intentional exclusion.<\/p>\n

You write that your family is quite different, so you \u2013 reasonably \u2013 have an expectation that others will make strides to welcome and include a guest. Your fianc\u00e9\u2019s family members may not have the same expectation of themselves. They may not even realize that they\u2019re doing what they\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n

So, try asking your fianc\u00e9 about it. You can share what you\u2019ve experienced and how you\u2019ve felt and ask him if he\u2019s noticed it, too.<\/p>\n

This doesn\u2019t necessarily need to be presented as a problem he has to fix, but he might be able to help grease the conversational wheels, either by making sure to include you more or by talking to his relatives one-on-one. He might even be able to give you insight about the ways certain family members talk or act, which can help you feel more like an insider and better set you up for future visits.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: My sister passed away without a will or trust.<\/p>\n

Our brother\u2019s wife told me that my sister told her that she wanted all her things sold and the proceeds divided among her niece and nephews. My sister never told me anything.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Am I wrong to expect pedestrians to wave back at me when I\u2019m driving?<\/a><\/p>\n

There is a good amount of money now to divide up. I am the personal representative and would like to know what is fair.<\/p>\n

By law the money goes to my brother and myself. He and I are far apart in age; he married young and I married in my late 20s. We each have two children. His children have had children \u2014 12 in all. My children have not yet married and started families.<\/p>\n

I feel it is fair to give to the first-generation nephews and niece only. That way it\u2019s not a 14-to-2 ratio, my brother\u2019s side to my side. The first generation can give to their families as they see fit.<\/p>\n

Am I being fair?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Fair Inheritance<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Fair<\/strong>: This sounds reasonable. If you haven\u2019t already, consult with an estate lawyer to ensure you\u2019ve done everything you need to do when an estate is in probate.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re free and clear, what may be cleanest is following the law and giving your brother his share and telling him about the wishes your sister-in-law communicated to you. His side of the family can then use their judgment to figure out the best way to honor your sister.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I\u2019m responding to \u201cFlummoxed,\u201d who said that a friend invited over to the house insists on washing dishes after the meal but doesn\u2019t wash them well. All efforts to convince her to please leave the dishes alone failed.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the hosting couple could consider using really nice disposable dishes and plastic glasses. That way, no one\u2019s dishes get broken or poorly washed, and the guest can relax and enjoy herself.<\/p>\n

\u2013 No More Dirty Dishes<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Dishes<\/strong>: This is a graceful solution that avoids awkward conversations and allows the hosts to extend their hospitality without worrying. Thanks.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I don\u2019t want to give my infuriating in-laws a grandchild<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It makes me so uncomfortable that I’ve stopped visiting them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Is there something mentally wrong with my fiance’s family? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4732\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Is there something mentally wrong with my fiance’s family? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It makes me so uncomfortable that I've stopped visiting them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4732\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-17T09:36:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Is there something mentally wrong with my fiance’s family?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-17T09:36:20+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732\"},\"wordCount\":892,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4732\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Is there something mentally wrong with my fiance’s family? 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