{"id":4556,"date":"2026-07-15T09:38:00","date_gmt":"2026-07-15T09:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4556"},"modified":"2026-07-15T09:38:00","modified_gmt":"2026-07-15T09:38:00","slug":"asking-eric-all-i-said-was-hello-and-my-neighbor-said-i-made-him-nervous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4556","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: All I said was hello, and my neighbor said I made him nervous"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: I live with autism spectrum disorder and have been in regular, independent housing since I was 19.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: Don\u2019t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker\u2019s letter was?<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m 55 and I\u2019ve managed to work full time for almost 10 years in spite of previous employment where I was harassed due to discrimination because of my neurodiversity. I\u2019m settled into a new career in an accommodating environment that\u2019s autism-friendly, with understanding bosses and colleagues.<\/p>\n

So, my problem isn\u2019t work \u2014 it\u2019s my neighbors that are the issue.<\/p>\n

For the past year and a half that I\u2019ve lived where I am, I have faced nothing but rudeness.<\/p>\n

People look at me funny and ask me if I\u2019m \u201cOK.\u201d When I ask them why, they say I appear \u201cfidgety.\u201d These comments come mainly from older men, and it\u2019s nasty and irritating.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve made every effort through ongoing therapy to control it, and I do keep it to a minimum. I refuse to be medicated due to my extreme sensitivity to side effects. I\u2019ve been on it for years and I have missed many sunrises because of the heavy drowsiness that was a side effect.<\/p>\n

Last night, I went off on a guy for making a nasty comment about how I made him nervous. I didn\u2019t make any eye contact and didn\u2019t say anything except \u201cHello\u201d when he got on the elevator. I was so furious.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve put up with prejudiced comments regarding my neurodiversity, and I just want it to stop. Any advice on how to tune out ignorant neighbors who refuse to shut up? I\u2019m thinking headphones as one solution, since hearing these condescending comments really trigger my hot temper.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2013 Not From Outer Space<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Not From Outer Space<\/strong>: I\u2019m sorry you have to deal with these unkind neighbors. There\u2019s nothing wrong with fidgeting and you don\u2019t owe anyone an explanation simply for living your life.<\/p>\n

Headphones are a great option, especially ones that are more visible (rather than earbuds). Some people also like to wear a button that lets people know how you want to be interacted with.<\/p>\n

The goal is your comfort rather than bending yourself to the wants of strangers. So, think about what will make your life easier as you go to and from your home.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It sounds like these interactions may be contributing to a feeling of overload. That\u2019s not good for you and it\u2019s not what you want, so you should feel empowered to take proactive steps so that you feel most comfortable and can plan to avoid them.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Is it rude to run a generator all night?<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I am a single person with nine nieces\/nephews ranging in age from 16 to 40. I have a sizable estate, some of which I would like to leave to them.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, the two oldest ones have situations where I\u2019m not sure I want to leave them anything. They are the children of my sibling to whom I am closest, a sibling who also does favors for me.<\/p>\n

The oldest is living at home and unemployed and has no consistent work history. The second oldest is financially set and does not need my money.<\/p>\n

How do I navigate this situation with my sibling? I suspect there will be hard feelings if the two are out of my will. I am grateful for the help this sibling provides but do I reward the two children because of the sibling\u2019s help to me?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Estate Division<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Estate:<\/strong> As I like to say, money talks but it mumbles, so it\u2019s helpful to be clear with yourself and with those you leave it to about what you\u2019re trying to do or say with an inheritance.<\/p>\n

Of course, you\u2019re under no obligation to leave anything to anyone. You can divvy up your estate any way you see fit. But it\u2019s not clear to me what you\u2019re trying to accomplish by leaving out the oldest two.<\/p>\n

In the case of the unemployed one, it seems you don\u2019t want to reward a lack of initiative, but with the other it seems you don\u2019t want to reward an appropriate amount of initiative. This could be confusing for everyone. If there\u2019s enough to go around, what\u2019s the harm in leaving something to everyone as a gesture of your love, even if the amounts are different?<\/p>\n

Think about what you want your money to accomplish after you\u2019re gone. You can\u2019t compel someone to work or to work harder by giving them money or withholding it from them. Not effectively, at least. But if you\u2019re concerned about hurt feelings, as you say you are, it\u2019s best to have any conversations you want to have now.<\/p>\n

Any of your nieces and nephews could turn out to be good or poor stewards of your estate. If there\u2019s something you want them to do or something you want your money to do, you should try to put that into motion now.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I\u2019m annoyed that my friends want us to be the Golden Girls<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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