{"id":4555,"date":"2026-07-15T09:06:43","date_gmt":"2026-07-15T09:06:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4555"},"modified":"2026-07-15T09:06:43","modified_gmt":"2026-07-15T09:06:43","slug":"harriette-cole-dont-you-see-how-mean-spirited-the-co-workers-letter-was","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4555","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: Don’t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker’s letter was?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I never do this, but your response to a recent letter upset me. You ignored the mean-spiritedness of the letter.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Is it rude to run a generator all night?<\/a><\/p>\n

I appreciate you mentioning the reality of cellulite to \u201cDimpled,\u201d the person whose co-worker wears short skirts, but you stopped short of telling them that their letter is grounded in body-shaming.<\/p>\n

This person never mentioned being a boss or HR employee, so their skirt-wearing co-worker\u2019s professional appearance is none of their concern. Nothing they said implied any negative work-related issues due to this woman wearing short skirts, only that they themselves don\u2019t like seeing her legs.<\/p>\n

The truth is that this woman\u2019s legs are none of their business, and I hope you can see how their focusing on this is highly inappropriate and insensitive, especially if they themselves are not a woman (but truly, no man or<\/em> woman should be focusing that much on their co-workers\u2019 bodies).<\/p>\n

\u2014 Offended<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR OFFENDED<\/strong>: Thank you for your note. You are absolutely right that it is none of that co-worker\u2019s business. I jumped to \u201chow to help.\u201d I would never intentionally body-shame anyone, nor want to inadvertently suggest that others do that.<\/p>\n

Because I have a background in fashion, honestly, I immediately went to ideas on how that woman could showcase her assets, neglecting to address the obvious point: Mind your business.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I\u2019m someone who keeps a very busy schedule. I thought I enjoyed being busy because that\u2019s what made my mind feel at ease. However, therapy and self-discovery have led me to realize I feel like I must stay busy because my mind does not feel comfortable being relaxed.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Having a packed schedule is sustainable as a teenager, but the older you get, the more time you need for yourself.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I\u2019m annoyed that my friends want us to be the Golden Girls<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m trying to learn to balance my personal interests, relationships and work in a way that is healthy, but I\u2019m not too sure that I know what that looks like.<\/p>\n

As I become more comfortable with the idea of relaxation, I\u2019m realizing it would be helpful to learn how to create balance in my week. How do you recommend I balance a busy schedule?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Busy Bee<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR BUSY BEE<\/strong>: Well, you have written to a workaholic \u2014 me. I work all the time, often on weekends, so I know what you are talking about. I think I rationalize it as being an entrepreneur and always having to be ready and willing to do what it takes.<\/p>\n

I will tell you two things that I do that help create balance. First, I make lists every day of what I have to do that day. For many years, I have included self-care and family on the list. Under self-care, I include basics like \u201cdrink water\u201d or \u201ctake a walk\u201d because I know that when I get busy, I don\u2019t remember the basics. I also schedule in fun; that way I actually do it.<\/p>\n

Additionally, I practice meditation. Having the discipline of that spiritual practice that requires you to be still, control your breath and just exist has been transformative for my life. I highly recommend it. Yes, it forces you to be with yourself, but the inner discoveries that come if you are willing to pay attention are invaluable.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Pedestrian hit and killed by driver in San Jose<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This woman’s legs are nobody else’s business.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: Don’t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker’s letter was? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4555\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: Don’t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker’s letter was? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This woman's legs are nobody else's business.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4555\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-15T09:06:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: Don’t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker’s letter was?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-15T09:06:43+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555\"},\"wordCount\":639,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4555\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: Don’t you see how mean-spirited the co-worker’s letter was? 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