{"id":4483,"date":"2026-07-14T09:07:04","date_gmt":"2026-07-14T09:07:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4483"},"modified":"2026-07-14T09:07:04","modified_gmt":"2026-07-14T09:07:04","slug":"harriette-cole-my-beloved-great-aunt-stayed-silent-when-i-was-insulted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4483","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: My beloved great-aunt stayed silent when I was insulted"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: My great-aunt is in heart failure and was told she has less than a year to live.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I wore white to the shower. Did I deserve this treatment?<\/a><\/p>\n

Growing up, we had an amazing relationship, and she introduced me, as a little gay boy, to cosmetics; she would paint my nails and let me play with her makeup. I wrote my college entrance essay on her and how she helped me fall in love with makeup.<\/p>\n

I have love for her and amazing memories, but we haven\u2019t spoken in years. At my great-grandmother\u2019s funeral, my great-aunt\u2019s daughter and grandchildren made homophobic remarks toward me. My great-aunt didn\u2019t say anything, which was extremely hurtful as I was only 16. As a result, my immediate family doesn\u2019t speak to any of them.<\/p>\n

I want to see her before she passes, but I don\u2019t know how to go about it. I don\u2019t want it to feel awkward. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Weird Family Dynamic<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR WEIRD FAMILY DYNAMIC<\/strong>: You should go visit your great-aunt. Be in her company and thank her for seeing you for who you were when you were growing up. Remind her of how affirming she was to you and how much you valued that, because she didn\u2019t judge you.<\/p>\n

Let her know in person how grateful you are for her love and support. You don\u2019t need to mention how her family behaved and their negative comments. She has no control over them and probably felt it would be awkward to say anything in the emotional setting of a funeral.<\/p>\n

Regardless, she was there for you at a pivotal time in your young life. Remind her of how important that was to you.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I\u2019m at a point in my life where I want to be in an exclusive, long-term relationship. I have been dating and have not been able to find that.<\/p>\n

Read more Who\u2019s playing in the World Cup today? TV schedule for July 14<\/a><\/p>\n

A friend of mine suggested I try dating more casually. He urged me to just enjoy myself \u2014 whether the person turns out to be my husband should be the least of my concerns. So lately, I\u2019ve tried it his way.<\/p>\n

Someone I\u2019ve known peripherally for about 10 years asked me on a date recently, and with my friend\u2019s advice, I actually had a great time. Though I am still talking to other people, he and I have been rather steady and see each other consistently.
\nDespite that, though, I was still surprised when he invited me to join him and his friends on his birthday trip next month.<\/p>\n

Normally, I\u2019d be wondering how serious we really are for us to be traveling together. But now, a part of me is wondering if it\u2019s OK to just have fun abroad. Should I take him up on his offer or stay home and wait for our connection to grow when he returns?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2014 Cautious or Casual<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR CAUTIOUS OR CASUAL:<\/strong> It sounds like you like this guy. Why not go on the trip with him and his friends?<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t have to mean you are exclusive, though it is clear that he is interested enough to choose you to be his companion on the trip. You can also ask him what it means to him about your relationship that he has invited you. See where that conversation leads so you are clear about his intentions.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Oakland has changed its plan to sell the Coliseum yet again. Here\u2019s how it will work.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now she’s dying, and I want to see her once more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4483","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: My beloved great-aunt stayed silent when I was insulted - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4483\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: My beloved great-aunt stayed silent when I was insulted - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Now she's dying, and I want to see her once more.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4483\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-14T09:07:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: My beloved great-aunt stayed silent when I was insulted\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-14T09:07:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483\"},\"wordCount\":658,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4483\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: My beloved great-aunt stayed silent when I was insulted - 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