{"id":4334,"date":"2026-07-12T09:06:54","date_gmt":"2026-07-12T09:06:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4334"},"modified":"2026-07-12T09:06:54","modified_gmt":"2026-07-12T09:06:54","slug":"asking-eric-tillie-has-gotten-greedy-and-im-tired-of-footing-the-bill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4334","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Tillie has gotten greedy, and I’m tired of footing the bill"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: \u201cTillie\u201d has been my friend for 35 years, and I love her dearly. We have been through a lot together and helped each other through many tough times.<\/p>\n

Read more Internet reacts to 54-year-old Luke Wilson having baby with 24-year-old girlfriend<\/a><\/p>\n

But Tillie has changed over the past few years. Essentially, she has become what I would call a \u201ctaker.\u201d<\/p>\n

For example, she looks to others to treat her to lunches but never offers to purchase even an appetizer for the rest of the lunch group. If a member of the group has a gift card for an establishment, when the bill comes, we will all apply the gift card to the total tab, then divide the remainder of the bill among the group. When she has a gift card, she waits for her share of the bill to be tallied, then applies the gift card to her share only.<\/p>\n

The last straw was when we went to the theater. She asked me to drive (involving not only gas but paying tolls). She requested we park in a specific lot because she has trouble walking and wanted to be near the theater; it cost nearly double what it would have in a lot that was farther away. When we were leaving and it came time to pay for parking, she didn\u2019t offer even a dollar to offset the cost.<\/p>\n

Even her sister has said Tillie is always holding her hand out for something.<\/p>\n

Now a few of us have tickets for another event, and she is already asking me to drive to the theater and is discussing a meal afterward. I\u2019m sure she\u2019ll want special parking (and the premium price to go along with it) again.<\/p>\n

The other friends are all wondering how to deal with this greediness. It is the cost, but it\u2019s also the principle. We want to continue to include Tillie, but we are at a loss as to how to address this with her.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Tapped Out In The Midwest<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Tapped Out:<\/strong> It\u2019s possible Tillie is experiencing economic insecurity or having trouble making ends meet, while still wanting to be involved socially. Obviously, it would be better for everyone if she was more upfront about her needs, but that can be hard, understandably.<\/p>\n

One solution is to talk through the costs of an event beforehand and come to agreement about shared costs.<\/p>\n

For instance, you could bring up the parking situation from the last event and tell her that you\u2019ll be happy to give her a ride, but you want to make sure she\u2019s willing to split the expense with you. It\u2019s probably best to address this on a case-by-case basis, even though as a group you\u2019ve noticed a pattern.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: How do I convince my adult children to call me once every week or 10 days?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I\u2019m 82 and they are 54, 52 and 44. I know they love me and my husband and always step up if we need help. I really miss them and feel like I don\u2019t have a sense of their daily lives.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: They say my request as a grieving daughter is appalling<\/a><\/p>\n

They don\u2019t live in the same state we do so visits are very rare, about once a year. My daughter\u2019s visits are even fewer since she doesn\u2019t like where we live. (Many here are racist.)<\/p>\n

I have told them exactly how I feel. My youngest is the only one who calls, about once a month. I call them individually about once a month, or text each. I don\u2019t see this changing.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m afraid this won\u2019t change in my lifetime. I find it depressing, even though my life is full and often fun with friends.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Phone Home<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Phone<\/strong>: I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re experiencing this. It\u2019s frustrating that you\u2019ve done the best thing to do in these situations \u2013 i.e., you communicated clearly and told them what you need \u2013 and they still haven\u2019t stepped up. A phone call is not a hard ask.<\/p>\n

You might try being even more proactive by telling each to pick a day (or even day and time) that works for them for a weekly phone call. Say that this is a non-negotiable. On the day, you might text them a reminder: \u201cRemember, today is Monday and we have our phone call. I\u2019m looking forward to it!\u201d<\/p>\n

I know that this is even more work for you, and it\u2019s work that you shouldn\u2019t have to do. However, it may be that your children aren\u2019t taking your wants seriously.<\/p>\n

If they can\u2019t or won\u2019t agree to this, then at least you\u2019ll have the opportunity to ask why. If there are deeper issues in your relationship, they can more easily be resolved if you know about them.<\/p>\n

But if they are simply forgetting or taking you for granted, they need to hear clearly how their actions are coming across to someone they love.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Real Housewives\u2019 star apologizes for son\u2019s role in California brushfire<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Our other friends have noticed, too, and we don’t know what to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Tillie has gotten greedy, and I’m tired of footing the bill - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4334\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Tillie has gotten greedy, and I’m tired of footing the bill - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our other friends have noticed, too, and we don't know what to do.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4334\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-12T09:06:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Tillie has gotten greedy, and I’m tired of footing the bill\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-12T09:06:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334\"},\"wordCount\":903,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4334\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Tillie has gotten greedy, and I’m tired of footing the bill - 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