{"id":4331,"date":"2026-07-12T08:06:32","date_gmt":"2026-07-12T08:06:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4331"},"modified":"2026-07-12T08:06:32","modified_gmt":"2026-07-12T08:06:32","slug":"dear-abby-they-say-my-request-as-a-grieving-daughter-is-appalling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4331","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: They say my request as a grieving daughter is appalling"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<p><strong>DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My mother died five years ago, and my stepfather passed away a month ago. Both were cremated with no service, no obituary and no celebration of life. My parents\u2019 wish was to be placed together at their home.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4330\">Real Housewives\u2019 star apologizes for son\u2019s role in California brushfire<\/a><\/p>\n<p>I asked my brother, stepsister and stepbrother if I could have a small amount of their ashes to place in an urn or a piece of memorial jewelry. My stepbrother is fine with my request; the other two are appalled.<\/p>\n<p>I am the oldest, but my stepfather gave my brother power of attorney. I think this authority has gone to his head, as he tells us he is the boss. Was it wrong to request some of my parents\u2019 ashes?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u2014 GRIEVING DAUGHTER<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR GRIEVING DAUGHTER:<\/strong> Please accept my condolences for the loss of your parents. Of course your request was not wrong or even unusual. Families often divide a loved one\u2019s ashes just as you described.<\/p>\n<p>If your brother continues to ignore your appeals, you must decide whether this is important enough to bring a lawyer into the discussion.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: I am the single mom of a 19-year-old daughter who copes with bipolar 2, ADHD, anxiety and depression. She has a mental age that\u2019s younger than her adult self.<\/p>\n<p>Over the years, she has gone through therapy and changes in medication. It has been recommended that she attend a residential therapy program, but she refuses.<\/p>\n<div>\n<\/div>\n<p>Since finishing high school, she has refused everything: college classes, job applications, exploring other therapies or taking any small steps toward independence in the future.<\/p>\n<p>Her goals now center around socializing and smoking marijuana with a few friends. She rarely leaves her room except when they call. There are days I doubt she\u2019s med compliant or wants the help others try to give.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4328\">US Sen. Lindsey Graham has died after a brief and unexpected illness, his office says<\/a><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s heartbreaking watching her being \u201cstuck,\u201d but I am also tired of being held hostage to her behavior and actions. Many days I want to pack up her stuff and tell myself she\u2019ll figure things out. (I would continue to be here when she needs me.)<\/p>\n<p>Is this fair given her mental health challenges? Because she is at risk, I feel like anything I do is wrong.<\/p>\n<div>\n<\/div>\n<p><em>\u2014 BURNED-OUT MOM IN COLORADO<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR MOM:<\/strong> I know of few people who, if given the choice, wouldn\u2019t like life to be a constant party. You may need the services of a licensed psychotherapist to decide what to do to help your daughter.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s apparent to me that unless there are consequences for her unwillingness to help herself, nothing will change and she will continue floating on a cloud of cannabis in perpetuity.<\/p>\n<p>I suggest you make her continuing to live with you contingent upon her participation in the program that will help her gain some independence.<\/p>\n<p>If you need more guidance about this, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. It\u2019s the nation\u2019s largest mental health organization, dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.<\/p>\n<p><em>Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4326\">US home sales pace nears an 11-year low<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Abby: I just want a small amount of ashes. My brother says no.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":88,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dear Abby: They say my request as a grieving daughter is appalling - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4331\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: They say my request as a grieving daughter is appalling - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Abby: I just want a small amount of ashes. 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