{"id":4023,"date":"2026-07-08T08:36:36","date_gmt":"2026-07-08T08:36:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4023"},"modified":"2026-07-08T08:36:36","modified_gmt":"2026-07-08T08:36:36","slug":"miss-manners-im-caught-off-guard-by-this-question-every-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4023","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: I’m caught off guard by this question, every time"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: Several years ago, after a long and unhappy marriage, I finally found the strength to leave my husband. It was one of the hardest decisions I\u2019ve ever made, but I knew I needed to do it for my own well-being.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: These messages I found on my wife\u2019s computer are killing me<\/a><\/p>\n

Because our son was in high school at the time, his dad and I agreed that we would leave it up to him whether he wanted to split his time between us.<\/p>\n

For a few years, that arrangement actually worked well. I was grateful that we could both stay present in his life in a way that seemed to feel stable for him.<\/p>\n

But when the divorce became final and his dad moved away, something shifted. My son stopped talking to me. I still don\u2019t fully understand why. I\u2019ve replayed conversations in my head more times than I can count, wondering if I missed something or could have handled things differently.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t given up hope, and I don\u2019t plan to. He is my son, and I love him deeply \u2014 that will never change.<\/p>\n

What I struggle with now is something that may seem small, but that catches me off guard every time: People asking me, \u201cHow is your son?\u201d<\/p>\n

I never quite know how to respond. I don\u2019t want to overshare. I don\u2019t want to make anyone uncomfortable. But I also don\u2019t want to pretend everything is fine when it isn\u2019t. Sometimes I feel a lump in my throat before I can even answer.<\/p>\n

What would be the best way to answer this question?<\/p>\n

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GENTLE READER<\/strong>: If you demonstrate that things are not fine, a reasonable person is going to worry about you. And while there are people who live to worry, Miss Manners doubts that even they are happy to take on the job on behalf of people with whom they are not close.<\/p>\n

Read more Study: This Bay Area county has area\u2019s lowest threat risk, home insurance costs<\/a><\/p>\n

This makes your preconditions challenging. She does not say this either to make light of your situation or to reject your challenge.<\/p>\n

The etiquette answer is to say, \u201cWe haven\u2019t spoken recently, but I understand he is doing really well. Thank you so much for asking.\u201d That answers what you were asked, yet should make it clear that you are not open to casual questions about him.<\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: When introduced to someone who has a strong accent and you cannot understand their speech, how should this be handled? I usually politely ask them to repeat their statement, but what do you do when you still cannot understand them?<\/p>\n

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GENTLE READER<\/strong>: It depends on how much you need to understand them. At a cocktail party, nodding and smiling may suffice. In other situations, you might have to ask them to write it out or, in commercial situations, transfer you to someone else.<\/p>\n

Miss Manners finds that taking the blame upon oneself is an easy way to avoid hurt feelings: \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, I\u2019m having trouble hearing you \u2014 would you mind writing it out for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Just don\u2019t use this line in a doctor\u2019s office, where you would risk being sent to the audiologist.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Lakers agree with ex-Warrior Kevon Looney on 1-year, $3.9\u00a0million deal<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t want to overshare but I don’t want to lie, either.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":90,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: I’m caught off guard by this question, every time - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4023\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: I’m caught off guard by this question, every time - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I don't want to overshare but I don't want to lie, either.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4023\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-08T08:36:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: I’m caught off guard by this question, every time\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-08T08:36:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023\"},\"wordCount\":617,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4023\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: I’m caught off guard by this question, every time - 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