{"id":4022,"date":"2026-07-08T08:06:28","date_gmt":"2026-07-08T08:06:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4022"},"modified":"2026-07-08T08:06:28","modified_gmt":"2026-07-08T08:06:28","slug":"dear-abby-these-messages-i-found-on-my-wifes-computer-are-killing-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4022","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: These messages I found on my wife’s computer are killing me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: I have been married to my wife for three years. She asked me to fix her old computer. As I was doing that, I saw emails from her ex, \u201cDoug,\u201d dated a few months before our wedding.<\/p>\n

Read more Study: This Bay Area county has area\u2019s lowest threat risk, home insurance costs<\/a><\/p>\n

They started with the usual greetings, then proceeded to steamy back-and-forth emails. They set up a time to talk, and Doug suggested they use FaceTime. It appears they had several interactions on FaceTime. In his emails afterward (she told him never to text), he described his sexual feelings and how great her body looked and details about what he was going to do to her. She played right back with him.<\/p>\n

This went on for about a month and a half. When she cut it off, he complained, but she never got back to him.<\/p>\n

Doug emailed her several times after the last interaction and asked why she had stopped, adding that he was giving up after receiving no response. I noted his number was also blocked on her phone. He lives in another country, so I know they didn\u2019t physically get together.<\/p>\n

We have a good marriage, but this is killing me. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014 BETRAYED IN NEW YORK<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR BETRAYED<\/strong>: What you should do is tell your wife you found her correspondence with Doug and how it made you feel.<\/p>\n

She realized she was making a mistake and ended her inappropriate conversations with Doug before she married you. I presume she has been faithful ever since.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Feeling as you do, you may need the help of a licensed marriage counselor to put this matter to rest. Please don\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n

DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My husband throws a fit over every minor inconvenience, from the trash can being knocked over to the screen door being in his way. He starts yelling and cursing and slamming doors.<\/p>\n

Read more Lakers agree with ex-Warrior Kevon Looney on 1-year, $3.9\u00a0million deal<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t understand it. When things like this happen to other people, they simply pick up the mess or move the object and go about their day.<\/p>\n

I try to help and move stuff around to avoid his fits, but they are inevitable, it seems. I cannot handle the negativity over something so trivial. Our neighbors can hear him, and I\u2019d feel embarrassed, if I were him, to be heard cursing like a child having a tantrum.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

How would you advise I handle this situation? I am at my wits\u2019 end. I feel as though I will have to live with the yelling and anger forever.<\/p>\n

\u2014 IN THE LINE OF FIRE<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR IN THE LINE<\/strong>: Could there be some other stressors in your husband\u2019s life that have caused him to have such a short fuse? When folks are troubled about something they can\u2019t control, they sometimes blame their frustration on the nearest person or object. It\u2019s called \u201cdisplacement.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hope you realize that his inability to control his temper (and his mouth) is no reflection on you, and that it is not up to you to handle it.<\/p>\n

If you manage to catch him when he\u2019s rational, ask if anything else might be bothering him, and then be prepared to listen. If he realizes what\u2019s causing this, it might make him better able to cope.<\/p>\n

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Ruben Vargas sends Switzerland to the World Cup quarterfinals in shootout win over Colombia<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: My husband throws a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":88,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: These messages I found on my wife’s computer are killing me - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4022\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: These messages I found on my wife’s computer are killing me - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: My husband throws a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=4022\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-08T08:06:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Dear Abby: These messages I found on my wife’s computer are killing me\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-08T08:06:28+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022\"},\"wordCount\":632,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/da2b25e1d5f51854817d4fde3f343c6c.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=4022\",\"name\":\"Dear Abby: These messages I found on my wife’s computer are killing me - 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