{"id":3951,"date":"2026-07-07T09:36:34","date_gmt":"2026-07-07T09:36:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3951"},"modified":"2026-07-07T09:36:34","modified_gmt":"2026-07-07T09:36:34","slug":"asking-eric-he-said-we-were-barred-from-his-wedding-but-we-got-an-invitation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3951","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: He said we were barred from his wedding but we got an invitation"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> We have two adult children, a son and daughter, and we are very much at odds.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: Why should I be chipper just because I work from home?<\/a><\/p>\n

My son has said some really awful things to my daughter, son-in-law, husband and me. We have no idea what we did to incite this and are heartbroken at the fact that we have not been to see his daughter for two years.<\/p>\n

He went through a brutal divorce and custody battle and has since remarried a lovely young woman who is apparently not willing to get involved in this matter.<\/p>\n

He told us in vehement, venomous terms that he didn\u2019t want us at his wedding, but then we did receive an invitation. We did not attend because we didn\u2019t want anything to mar the day for his new wife.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re not sure where to go with this. Any suggestions you might have would be greatly appreciated.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Sad Mom<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Mom:<\/strong> Start with a letter, acknowledging the receipt of the wedding invitation and stating your reasons for not attending. It\u2019s fine to write that you were confused about what he wanted, considering what he\u2019d said before. But you don\u2019t need to dwell too much on his comments in the letter \u2013 there will hopefully be time for explanation, apology and amends later.<\/p>\n

Instead, express what you\u2019re feeling now. Tell him that you are heartbroken about what has happened between you and you want to fix your relationship. Ask him if he\u2019s willing to do that and ask what steps he would need to make that happen. You might also think about what steps you need to make that happen and tell him in the letter.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It sounds like his words did a lot of damage to you and your family. You don\u2019t have to simply accept it for the sake of the relationship. Because he\u2019s sending conflicting messages, it will be helpful to determine whether his feelings have changed, or if something else has changed for him. But even if there has been a big shift, you\u2019re still owed an explanation.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I had a casual friend in high school. We reconnected a few years ago.<\/p>\n

She is driving me crazy with her relentless, impossible-to-answer questions, as well as her predicting and assuming what my family members will do or say in any given circumstance, despite never meeting them.<\/p>\n

At one point, when I had surgery, she had so many comments and directions and even questioned what my doctor told me. I finally said, \u201cDo you want his number, and you can ask him yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Things came to a head when I told her she needed to stop giving me unwanted advice and speculating on things she could not possibly know. I cited many instances to her.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I got in a fight with the birthday boy\u2019s mom over the cake<\/a><\/p>\n

She got offended and said I was disrespecting her. We didn\u2019t communicate for about a year, then for some reason got back in touch.<\/p>\n

Now she is back at it again. It\u2019s as if she didn\u2019t learn from the first time.<\/p>\n

For instance, I told her that I found out a family member in another state was in the hospital but couldn\u2019t communicate well and I was concerned what had happened because this wasn\u2019t like him to not text me back. Casey said, \u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019ll hear from him today. He is probably just fine and is looking for sympathy.\u201d<\/p>\n

She doesn\u2019t even know him, doesn\u2019t know his medical issues, and has never met him. Once she said that her \u201cintuition\u201d told her what was going to occur with him.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t seem from her emails that she is suffering from dementia. It does appear that in many instances she doesn\u2019t read my email in full, just quickly scans it, because when she writes back, she will get details wrong that I had just written.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve given up correcting many of those because sometimes, what is the point? Any advice to me before I start tearing my hair out?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Going Bananas<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Going Bananas:<\/strong> Her intentions may be good, and she may be misunderstanding what\u2019s really called for in an exchange, but it seems clear that this friendship isn\u2019t working for you.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve asked her to refrain from giving baseless opinions or peppering you with questions and she won\u2019t. So, your options are either to stop emailing altogether, or to stop telling her about your life in so much detail.<\/p>\n

It comes down to what you want out of this friendship. Ultimately, you may be looking for someone who will listen and empathize. As a casual friend with a very consistent track record, this person does not seem to be that friend.<\/p>\n

Try offering her less information in your emails or limit the conversation to subjects about which you can both agree and about which there\u2019s no need to prognosticate.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My husband won\u2019t follow a recipe, and his cooking is a minefield<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We don’t know what we did to make our son so angry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3951","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: He said we were barred from his wedding but we got an invitation - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3951\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: He said we were barred from his wedding but we got an invitation - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We don't know what we did to make our son so angry.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3951\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-07T09:36:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: He said we were barred from his wedding but we got an invitation\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-07T09:36:34+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951\"},\"wordCount\":919,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3951\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: He said we were barred from his wedding but we got an invitation - 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