{"id":3555,"date":"2026-07-02T09:16:46","date_gmt":"2026-07-02T09:16:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3555"},"modified":"2026-07-02T09:16:46","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T09:16:46","slug":"harriette-cole-ive-been-crying-all-week-since-my-husband-forgot-our-anniversary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3555","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I’ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: My husband forgot our 20-year wedding anniversary, and I\u2019ve been sobbing about it for a whole week.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers<\/a><\/p>\n

I planned a surprise romantic dinner for us, and I got him a really nice watch that he has been eyeing for a while. He, however, had nothing planned for me and no gift awaiting me. I\u2019ve been with him for 20 years, and he can\u2019t even remember me.<\/p>\n

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if this is part of a larger issue. Throughout our marriage, I have often been the one responsible for remembering birthdays, holidays, family gatherings and special occasions. I am usually the person planning celebrations, buying gifts and making sure everyone feels appreciated.<\/p>\n

Sometimes it feels like I carry the emotional load of keeping our family connected while everyone else simply shows up.<\/p>\n

My husband insists that it was an honest mistake and says he feels terrible about forgetting. He has apologized several times and keeps telling me that it doesn\u2019t mean he loves me any less.<\/p>\n

I want to believe him, but I can\u2019t seem to shake this feeling of sadness. Is it reasonable that I feel this hurt, or am I overthinking?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Unappreciated<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED<\/strong>: It seems you have awakened to the reality of your relationship dynamics, and you aren\u2019t happy \u2014 but it also seems that your husband has been consistent over the years. If you haven\u2019t pushed him to be thoughtful and you have taken all the responsibility for your relationship\u2019s milestones, you shouldn\u2019t be surprised by his inaction.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

That said, you can call for change now. Tell your husband how you feel and what you want: more attention, more proactivity and more thoughtfulness. Ask him to step up and do more for you. Cheerlead him. Perhaps he will get a bit better.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: How do I bar this woman from my home after she embarrassed me?<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I am a chronic people pleaser. As the youngest in my family, I think I\u2019ve never felt ownership over who I am. I found myself guided by the opinions and perceived opinions of those around me.<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve become an adult, those opinions have only gotten louder and more confusing. I\u2019m realizing I need to find my own path because I\u2019m the one who will have to walk down it.<\/p>\n

However, when you\u2019ve been a people pleaser for so long, many of those closest to you become accustomed to being catered to. This makes changing that behavior even more difficult. Although I shouldn\u2019t, I feel bad when I disappoint those around me, even when I understand that it comes with boundary-setting.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I\u2019m not trying to become a selfish person, but I have to start making space for myself. How do you recommend I begin to communicate that in my existing relationships?<\/p>\n

\u2014 People Pleaser<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR PEOPLE PLEASER<\/strong>: Announce that you are turning a new leaf and redefining your life. That includes making yourself a priority.<\/p>\n

Apologize in advance for not being able to jump whenever they call. Note that you will be putting yourself first. When people start making demands, note when you cannot do what they have requested and remind them that you must take care of yourself, and this will sometimes mean they have to take care of themselves without your support.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Berkeley man charged with statutory rape of 17-year-old he allegedly paid<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now I’m wondering if this is part of a larger issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I’ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3555\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I’ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Now I'm wondering if this is part of a larger issue.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3555\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-02T09:16:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: I’ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-02T09:16:46+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555\"},\"wordCount\":650,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3555\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I’ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary - 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