{"id":3554,"date":"2026-07-02T08:40:06","date_gmt":"2026-07-02T08:40:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554"},"modified":"2026-07-02T08:40:06","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T08:40:06","slug":"miss-manners-the-bride-wants-to-know-how-to-properly-shame-the-non-gift-givers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: My daughter was recently married, a second marriage both for her and for her new husband. They had a lovely ceremony and invited close family and good friends \u2014 well, some good friends.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: How do I bar this woman from my home after she embarrassed me?<\/a><\/p>\n

Three of my daughter\u2019s friends work with her new husband\u2019s ex-wife. The couple received neither cards nor gifts from this trio. She feels they have been manipulated by the ex. What should she do?<\/p>\n

1. Should she not send a thank-you note to them?<\/p>\n

2. Should she just send a note thanking them for attending and celebrating?<\/p>\n

3. Should she send a card thanking them for attending, with a P.S. such as, \u201cI fear your card\/gift was lost\u201d?<\/p>\n

She does not value the friendship of these three ladies and wants to shame them for their lack of class and manners.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Before we get to the how, Miss Manners wants to be sure she understands the goal, which is to \u201cshame\u201d three guests at your daughter\u2019s wedding for their \u201clack of class and manners,\u201d presumably while having your daughter display her own.<\/p>\n

But we have a problem. Three, actually.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

First, the trio breached no rules of etiquette or good taste \u2014 at least nothing that you have related. Wedding gifts are not, you will be surprised to hear, mandatory. So we have nothing to charge them with.<\/p>\n

Second, you do not send thank-you letters simply because someone attended your wedding; thanking them for attending would therefore not demonstrate your daughter\u2019s familiarity with etiquette, but rather, the reverse. This eliminates one of your proposed courses of action.<\/p>\n

Third, shaming (or extorting) guests is a serious breach of etiquette. This eliminates another proposed course of action.<\/p>\n

Read more Berkeley man charged with statutory rape of 17-year-old he allegedly paid<\/a><\/p>\n

To answer your question then, if your daughter wants to demonstrate her good manners, she should forget about this trio and enjoy her honeymoon.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: A few years ago, my mother-in-law, an amateur painter, gave my husband and me a large portrait of ourselves.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t wish to judge the skill of the artist, but will say that it was \u201cnot our thing.\u201d We thanked her profusely and hung it up for a few years in a remote corner of the house.<\/p>\n

We have since moved to a smaller place without the space to display it, so it\u2019s been packed away in a closet. Now my husband wishes to get rid of it altogether.<\/p>\n

Setting aside the question of whether any secondhand store would even want it, what is the appropriate etiquette? We are likely never to hang up this painting again, but I feel guilty disposing of a heartfelt, homemade gift that\u2019s so personal in nature.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Paintings can be removed from their frames, rolled and shoved into a tube at the back of a closet. This way if you absolutely have to produce it at a later date, you can claim that it was in storage while you thought about reframing it. Consider yourself lucky your mother-in-law did not take up sculpting.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Concord Cat Lounge lets felines to adopt be met in more relaxed setting<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: Is it OK to throw away an amateur portrait of my husband and me?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":90,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: Is it OK to throw away an amateur portrait of my husband and me?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554\"},\"wordCount\":594,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"width\":1023,\"height\":702},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=3554#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest","og_description":"Plus: Is it OK to throw away an amateur portrait of my husband and me?","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers","datePublished":"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554"},"wordCount":594,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554","name":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp","datePublished":"2026-07-02T08:40:06+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp","width":1023,"height":702},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=3554#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3554"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3554\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/90"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}