{"id":2845,"date":"2026-06-23T09:36:08","date_gmt":"2026-06-23T09:36:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2845"},"modified":"2026-06-23T09:36:08","modified_gmt":"2026-06-23T09:36:08","slug":"asking-eric-i-havent-gone-back-to-the-restaurant-because-im-confused-about-what-happened","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2845","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: I haven’t gone back to the restaurant because I’m confused about what happened"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: I am a long-retired senior citizen. I manage my days by finding things to do.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I made the mistake of asking if I could date his sister<\/a><\/p>\n

In the evenings, I generally go out to one of a handful of local establishments. Being single I sit at the bar to dine and have a cocktail. I am friendly and chat with just about anyone<\/p>\n

At one establishment, I run into a lady from time to time. She is married but her husband works long hours and is seldom with her. I have met him a couple times. Seems like a nice enough fellow.<\/p>\n

She and I have gotten friendly. To me it was just friendly social talk. Recently, however, she was out with a friend, and I was sitting several seats away. Her friend left and she moved next to me.<\/p>\n

To be honest, I do find her attractive but never gave much thought to a romantic connection due to her marriage situation.<\/p>\n

But that night we talked much longer than ever before. I found that she consistently would touch me. Maybe on the hand or shoulder. When I said goodnight that evening, she put her arms around me and kissed me on the cheeks.<\/p>\n

She also mentioned to me several times when she would be back and I should come by.<\/p>\n

I have not gone back since, because I am confused. Not sure if she is just very friendly and gregarious or romantically attracted to me. If she were single, I would ask her out in a heartbeat. I know I will run into her again soon and am not sure how to handle it. I understand she is married and that should be taboo. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2013 Mixed Signals<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Signals<\/strong>: This may be an innocuous friendship, but it will be helpful for you and for her if you get some clarity.<\/p>\n

First, check in with yourself. You stated you\u2019d ask her out if she was single, but you won\u2019t be taking any action because she\u2019s married. That suggests that you\u2019d be most comfortable with a friendship that didn\u2019t include cheek-kisses and touching. It\u2019s appropriate to set that boundary.<\/p>\n

You can do so either by simply avoiding them should they come up again, or by directly telling her you enjoy her friendship, but you felt a little confused about the physical gestures and would prefer to express friendship in a different way.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: There\u2019s no drinking at my fireworks party<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Directness is always better, to be honest. You need not imply she meant anything by it, but it\u2019s always good to let friends and others know how you like \u2013 and don\u2019t like \u2013 to be touched.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My (former) friend is a Fixer. She\u2019d constantly give therapy advice though her experience was only from online chats. When she can\u2019t fix you, she disappears into thin air. I hurt myself and her calls stopped and so did her texts.<\/p>\n

We connected again but it was for her advantage as she needed help.<\/p>\n

Our grandchild had stage 4 cancer. No calls asking how he is or how I\u2019m holding up. I needed her more than ever. She said I was using her as an emotional punching bag. I responded with \u201cyou emotionally neglected me when I needed you the most!\u201d<\/p>\n

I love my friend like a sister and want to connect again but I\u2019m unsure I can accept who she\u2019s become! She\u2019s excluded her own brother over stupid things. He\u2019s 60 and got married, then told her! She can\u2019t fix that or control what he did. She guilts her son all the time because she can\u2019t control him either.<\/p>\n

Do I tell her to stop trying to FIX everything about everyone? She gave good advice but there are times I just needed for her to listen, not fix everything \u2014 she can\u2019t. Is it worth a try? Do I offer the olive branch or say farewell?<\/p>\n

\u2013 No Fixing<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Fixing:<\/strong> Before you reach out, you should ask yourself if the friend that you\u2019re seeking is the same person you\u2019d be reaching out to.<\/p>\n

You write that she can\u2019t stop trying to fix everyone and she has been resistant when you asked her to listen and support you. You want to try again to get her to listen, but has anything changed?<\/p>\n

Whether she genuinely believes she\u2019s helping or whether she is misapplying a desire to control, it\u2019s clear there\u2019s a big mismatch in your relationship. And that mismatch has resulted in hurt (perhaps, hurt on both sides). If you go into this with the same expectation that she\u2019ll listen, you\u2019re likely to only get hurt again.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to say that the expectation is wrong. You need a friend who will listen to you and support you. You\u2019ve expressed that need. But you may realize that she is no longer that friend and so it may be better to seek that connection elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: June 23, Thai soccer team gets trapped in flooded cave<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: I know this woman is married. 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