{"id":247,"date":"2026-05-23T08:37:05","date_gmt":"2026-05-23T08:37:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=247"},"modified":"2026-05-23T08:37:05","modified_gmt":"2026-05-23T08:37:05","slug":"miss-manners-i-did-the-cake-the-shower-and-the-hair-the-bride-wanted-a-gift-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=247","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: I did the cake, the shower and the hair. The bride wanted a gift, too."},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: Years ago, a close friend of mine was getting married. As I am known as a good baker among my friends, she asked if I would bake her a carrot cake for her wedding.<\/p>\n

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I demurred, explaining that I was not qualified to bake a wedding cake. She insisted, saying it would be a small wedding with perhaps 20 guests.<\/p>\n

Instead, the number of guests swelled to over 100. The ingredients became rather expensive, not to mention that baking, assembling, decorating and transporting a carrot wedding cake was no small feat.<\/p>\n

In addition, another friend and I were asked to host the bridal shower, which we did at my home, sharing the expense. The bride requested a formal, classic menu, including salmon mousse. The preparation and expense of hosting this party were more than I had planned for, but I was happy to do it.<\/p>\n

Lastly, the bride asked me to style her hair on her wedding day, which I also happily agreed to. Her hair looked lovely, and the wedding cake received many compliments.<\/p>\n

On her wedding day, the bride presented me with a lovely and thoughtful gift in the $50-$75 range as a thank-you for my role in her wedding. I was surprised but pleased by her thoughtfulness and felt a bit like a cad, because, in light of my extensive role and considerable expenses, I had brought a beautiful card but no wedding gift.<\/p>\n

I had considered the wedding cake, the shower and styling her hair to be my gifts to her. I had spent hundreds of dollars, and I thought that she would value what I had done to make her wedding a success. (It\u2019s worth mentioning that the bride was in her 30s and the groom in his 50s, so they really did not need any material gifts anyway.)<\/p>\n

After the honeymoon, my friend called and, through a thinly veiled story about an unidentified gift, confirmed with me that I had not brought anything. Her voice sounded cold and disappointed. I was stunned, but it seemed ungracious for me to itemize my considerable investments, so I simply clarified that no, I had not brought a wedding gift.<\/p>\n

Read more NCS baseball, softball playoffs: Friday\u2019s scores, updated schedule<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

After this, our friendship cooled, and we spent time together only once or twice again.<\/p>\n

Miss Manners, this has bothered me ever since. Should I have brought the bride and groom a token gift for the sake of showing my support? Should I have explained to her that the cake and party were to be considered gifts?<\/p>\n

It is too late now to mend the damaged friendship, but it would be helpful to know what I could have done differently.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER:<\/strong> There was nothing you could have done, except perhaps resolve to choose better friends.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

The thoughtlessness with which this bride coerced you into subsidizing her wedding was stunning. That she expected a present on top of it \u2014 and allowed her resentment to ruin the friendship \u2014 even more so.<\/p>\n

On the positive side, especially if this woman plans to have children, Miss Manners observes that losing the friendship will no doubt save you considerable time and money in the future.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more NCS softball roundup: Alameda pitcher throws no-hitter in quarterfinal win<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Miss Manners: It’s too late to save our friendship, but should I have done anything different?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":90,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: I did the cake, the shower and the hair. The bride wanted a gift, too. - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=247\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: I did the cake, the shower and the hair. 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