{"id":2307,"date":"2026-06-17T09:06:47","date_gmt":"2026-06-17T09:06:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307"},"modified":"2026-06-17T09:06:47","modified_gmt":"2026-06-17T09:06:47","slug":"harriette-cole-i-was-told-my-siblings-dont-trust-me-to-handle-the-estate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> As my parents get older, they are focusing more on organizing their affairs and estate planning. With that comes some tough decisions.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: It was a nice dinner until my friend took their socks off<\/a><\/p>\n

I am the oldest of four children, and naturally my parents default to me for certain things.<\/p>\n

When we were growing up, my parents acquired several properties, and they purchased them in my name and my siblings\u2019 names in birth order (so the first home was mine, the second was for the second child and so on). So now we are each fortunate to have at least one home in our names.<\/p>\n

My parents recently sat me down for a hard conversation, admitting to me that my siblings don\u2019t trust me to be in charge and they have asked that my parents transfer some of their assets out of my name.<\/p>\n

I am shocked and appalled. Should I confront my siblings, or simply prove to my parents that I am capable of leading?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Birthright<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR BIRTHRIGHT:<\/strong> First, talk to your parents and ask them what they think. Ask for an honest assessment of this request, and be prepared to listen.<\/p>\n

Do a self-evaluation: How well do you manage money, including your personal finances, your home, etc.? Do your siblings have a legitimate reason to want to take this responsibility away from you?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Also, if the assets are to be divided in a particular way, why can\u2019t that be set up specifically in your parents\u2019 will or trust so that each of you has a direct line to whatever should be rightfully yours after they pass?<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My family fell apart and I don\u2019t know how to fix it<\/a><\/p>\n

Try not to take this request too personally as you also look to improve your behavior and avoid a rift among your siblings.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: When my husband and I got married and moved in together 58 years ago, I had the same issue as the letter writer from \u201cBoy\u2019s House.\u201d I found myself picking up everything, putting everything away and keeping the house clean and tidy while also doing my own work.<\/p>\n

I finally decided that an object lesson was needed in order to equalize responsibilities and maintain a tidy home.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

For one week, I picked up everything of mine and nothing of his. On Saturday (cleaning day), I opened the morning discussion with: \u201cI have an idea. I\u2019ll pick up all of my stuff and you pick up all of your stuff.\u201d He thought that was a great idea. He got busy, and I sat down. Lesson learned.<\/p>\n

All these years later, he is the neat one, and sometimes I would like to leave something lying around! He took the lesson to heart, and we have a very, very clean and tidy home. Just saying \u2026<\/p>\n

\u2014 Lesson Learned<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR LESSON LEARNED:<\/strong> Thanks for sharing your story! Yes, teaching by example is often a better way of handling a challenge than fussing about it. Your strategy showed your husband what he was doing, and he made the smart decision to step up. Let\u2019s hope that reading this story will inspire others to do the same.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more SF Giants reportedly open to listening to offers for marquee players, but can they sell?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am shocked. Should I confront them about their request to our parents?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am shocked. Should I confront them about their request to our parents?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307\"},\"wordCount\":611,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"width\":1024,\"height\":614},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2307#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest","og_description":"I am shocked. Should I confront them about their request to our parents?","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate","datePublished":"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307"},"wordCount":611,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307","name":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp","datePublished":"2026-06-17T09:06:47+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp","width":1024,"height":614},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2307#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don’t trust me to handle the estate"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2307","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2307"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2307\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/92"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}