{"id":2305,"date":"2026-06-17T08:06:34","date_gmt":"2026-06-17T08:06:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2305"},"modified":"2026-06-17T08:06:34","modified_gmt":"2026-06-17T08:06:34","slug":"dear-abby-my-family-fell-apart-and-i-dont-know-how-to-fix-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2305","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: My family fell apart and I don’t know how to fix it"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My husband of 31 years died suddenly five years ago. Our family \u2014 four kids, six grandkids \u2014 was devastated. We still haven\u2019t recovered.<\/p>\n

Read more SF Giants reportedly open to listening to offers for marquee players, but can they sell?<\/a><\/p>\n

We used to be a happy bunch, spending time at the lake, backyard barbecues by the pool and football games. My husband was an integral part of this.<\/p>\n

With him gone, we now get together only on major holidays. The siblings no longer call each other or me, or spend time together. My oldest son quit communicating with us altogether because I recently remarried, and he doesn\u2019t care for my husband.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m retired now, and I always thought my retirement would be spent enjoying good times with my kids and grandkids, but that seems to be a fantasy at this point. I honestly think they wish I had been the one to die, and it breaks my heart.<\/p>\n

How can I bring us back together, or is the loss of my family as I knew it something else I must mourn?<\/p>\n

\u2014 GRIEVING IN MISSOURI<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR GRIEVING:<\/strong> Of course things changed with the death of your husband, their father. He may have been the core of those barbecues by the pool, the visits to the lake and the football games. That does not mean that you, the kids and grandkids cannot have enjoyable times together now and in the future, but you all will have to accept that they are different.<\/p>\n

I am sorry that your oldest son has chosen to turn his back on you because he can\u2019t accept your new husband. You did nothing wrong by going on with your life. If your son can\u2019t accept that, then you must accept that this was his choice.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

If you haven\u2019t already done it, start issuing invitations to your children and grandchildren to come and enjoy life with you. It won\u2019t be the same, but it could be enriching to all of you.<\/p>\n

And if that doesn\u2019t work out, please enlarge your circle of friends. Warm friendships can fill a lot of empty space, as I know from my own life.<\/p>\n

Read more \u2018Lost control of the car\u2019: Teen charged in East Oakland triple fatal crash is released from custody<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR ABBY:<\/strong> My boyfriend and I recently moved in together, which is great, but he can\u2019t seem to hold a job.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m working two jobs right now to make the rent. I also attend school.<\/p>\n

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I don\u2019t know how to tell him I don\u2019t want to be with someone I have to provide for. I do want to be with him as he\u2019s the first guy I\u2019ve actually ever liked.<\/p>\n

Is it wrong of me to stay with him even though he doesn\u2019t bring enough to the table? He doesn\u2019t go to school or anything.<\/p>\n

His birthday is coming up, and I\u2019m not sure if I should get him anything since we didn\u2019t do anything on my birthday and I spent the majority of the day alone.<\/p>\n

\u2014 SECOND THOUGHTS IN CALIFORNIA<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS:<\/strong> What you should give this guy are his walking papers. You should not<\/em> be working two jobs in order to feed him and pay the rent because he\u2019s jobless, unmotivated and absent.<\/p>\n

You may like him, but if you continue with your studies and earn your degree, your chances of meeting someone who will be an equal partner will be better than wasting your time with a deadbeat.<\/p>\n

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Austria tops Jordan in second World Cup match at Levi\u2019s Stadium<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think they wish it had been me who died, not my husband.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":88,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: My family fell apart and I don’t know how to fix it - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2305\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: My family fell apart and I don’t know how to fix it - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I think they wish it had been me who died, not my husband.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=2305\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-17T08:06:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Dear Abby: My family fell apart and I don’t know how to fix it\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-17T08:06:34+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305\"},\"wordCount\":664,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/da2b25e1d5f51854817d4fde3f343c6c.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=2305\",\"name\":\"Dear Abby: My family fell apart and I don’t know how to fix it - 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