{"id":1510,"date":"2026-06-08T09:36:51","date_gmt":"2026-06-08T09:36:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510"},"modified":"2026-06-08T09:36:51","modified_gmt":"2026-06-08T09:36:51","slug":"asking-eric-he-dropped-his-marines-plan-but-kept-the-money-from-the-party-seriously","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> A family member chose to enlist in the Marines. A party was held for him. Everybody was asked to give cash, so he\u2019d have what he needed while in basic training.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I\u2019ve been getting yelled at when I\u2019m at work<\/a><\/p>\n

Less than 24 hours later we were told he changed his mind and decided not to enlist, which thrilled everyone.<\/p>\n

We were told that now the party was for his high school graduation, and he kept the money. Seriously?<\/p>\n

Shouldn\u2019t he have returned all the gifts? We wouldn\u2019t have given him a high school graduation gift.<\/p>\n

If you are engaged to be married and you break up, the gifts are returned. A bunch of us are pissed. Are we right?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Re-Gifted<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Re-Gifted<\/strong>: I\u2019m not sure it\u2019s a one-to-one comparison with an engagement, but I see your broader point.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a little audacious to retroactively change the occasion of a party after all the gifts have been given, but graduating from high school is also an important milestone that many do choose to honor with a gift. Indeed, even though he won\u2019t be joining the Marines, his next step will still require money, whether that step is further education or joining the workforce or some combination thereof.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Also, by choosing not to join the Marines, he also won\u2019t be earning the salary that one earns during basic training. So, it\u2019s not like the money won\u2019t be useful.<\/p>\n

All that being said, his financial needs aren\u2019t your responsibility. You weren\u2019t required to give him a gift before, and you aren\u2019t now that the situation has changed. If you want your money back, ask for it.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I need help settling a \u201cSeinfeld\u201d-esque scenario and deciding who (if anyone) was in the wrong.<\/p>\n

I came home from the office for lunch. My wife had prepared a quiche. There was a bottle of salsa available with which to dress it.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

The salsa had a lid on it, but as I went to shake it in preparation for spreading it over my food, the lid flew off and threw salsa all over my nice white dress shirt. I was fuming in the moment.<\/p>\n

My wife insists that I should have checked the lid prior to my shaking the bottle. I say that, no, that shouldn\u2019t be necessary since whoever uses the salsa last should secure the lid. What say you?<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: How should I react when they say my name is \u2018different\u2019?<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2013 All Shook Up<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear All Shook Up<\/strong>: Well, the good news is you were already at home, so you could just throw the shirt in the washer with some stain remover, change clothes and go about your day.<\/p>\n

This incident seems to have been the result of two coinciding oversights, rather than one grievous wrong. It\u2019s always a good idea to check the lid before shaking something, just in case. And a lid is only doing half its job if it\u2019s not fully secured.<\/p>\n

That said, your wife went through the trouble of preparing a quiche and setting out the salsa, so it\u2019s also possible she was leaving the lid unscrewed as part of lunch service to make it easier for you to get what you need.<\/p>\n

Whatever the case, this is unlikely to happen again. Thank her for her efforts and for thinking of you. And next time (to mangle the old carpentry saying) check twice, quiche once.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> This is in response to the letter from \u201cLess Talk,\u201d who talked too much to friends and wanted to stop.<\/p>\n

I, too, used to interrupt people and was unable to stop. Then, through a friend I learned the art of listening and discovered some reasons why I kept interrupting people.<\/p>\n

Some examples of why I didn\u2019t let people finish their sentences were because \u201cI already know where you\u2019re going with this, and I have something more clever to say;\u201d because \u201cI might forget what I have to say and lose this great opportunity to impress you;\u201d because \u201cyou aren\u2019t interesting enough to distract me from my scary thoughts;\u201d because \u201cyou\u2019re having such a hard time expressing yourself, I\u2019m going to rescue you by saying it better;\u201d because \u201cinterrupting you is a natural expression of my enthusiasm,\u201d to name a few.<\/p>\n

As I was moved to interrupt, I silently asked myself if any of those statements were true, and I could easily find at least one.<\/p>\n

Slowly over time I learned the art of listening, and I think I am much easier to be around; I hope anyway! Silence truly is a virtue.<\/p>\n

\u2013 A Listener<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Listener<\/strong>: This level of self-awareness and self-examination is really wonderful. I like that you don\u2019t judge yourself too harshly and instead are approaching your actions and your motivations with curiosity. That curiosity then gives you the space and the grace to make a change.<\/p>\n

Thanks for your sharing (and for listening to yourself)!<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Add laid-back flair with the best Adirondack chairs for your outdoor space<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: Are we right to be angry he didn’t give it back?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Eric Thomas: Are we right to be angry he didn't give it back?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510\"},\"wordCount\":912,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"width\":1024,\"height\":629},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1510#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest","og_description":"Eric Thomas: Are we right to be angry he didn't give it back?","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously?","datePublished":"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510"},"wordCount":912,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510","name":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously? - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp","datePublished":"2026-06-08T09:36:51+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp","width":1024,"height":629},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1510#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Asking Eric: He dropped his Marines plan but kept the money from the party. Seriously?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1510","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1510"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1510\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/94"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}