{"id":1239,"date":"2026-06-05T09:07:48","date_gmt":"2026-06-05T09:07:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1239"},"modified":"2026-06-05T09:07:48","modified_gmt":"2026-06-05T09:07:48","slug":"harriette-cole-my-boyfriend-insists-that-driving-is-part-of-his-role-as-the-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1239","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: My boyfriend insists that driving is part of his role as the man"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> My boyfriend is currently not talking to me after we got into a huge argument over who should drive.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: My son\u2019s new wife hyphenated his name with her ex\u2019s. Why would she do that?<\/a><\/p>\n

He\u2019s usually the driver, but I wanted to take the wheel for the day, which set him off. He feels like I do not let him play his role as a man in our relationship and that I\u2019m often overstepping boundaries. I do not think it\u2019s that serious.<\/p>\n

His driving does not equate to him being a good man, but since he grew up in a \u201ctraditional\u201d house, he views things like that as valuable to maintaining our balance. I think it\u2019s controlling.<\/p>\n

As we continued talking, I told him that I didn\u2019t need him to do everything for me, as I am a grown adult. He felt like this was dismissive of his emotions and shut down immediately.<\/p>\n

How should I set my boundaries as an individual while still considering his needs as a man?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Driver<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR DRIVER:<\/strong> Now is a good time to talk more deeply about values and roles in a relationship.<\/p>\n

On one hand, there\u2019s something nice about a man wanting to provide for his partner and make sure she is safe and sound. That can also be constricting. What you know from your boyfriend is that he grew up with a certain set of beliefs, as did you. Discover which ones you share and where you differ as well as what is a deal-breaker for each of you.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Encourage him to be more willing to give you space to participate in some typically male roles, like driving the car. Know that this is ingrained in him \u2014 the opposite of other men who were never exposed to such rules and don\u2019t think to open a door or pay for a meal on a first date (and more).<\/p>\n

Is his rigidity too much for you as you compare it to what others are experiencing today?<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> My 20-year-old daughter just got engaged, and I wish she would\u2019ve said no.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: We unwittingly committed to a road trip with a Jekyll-and-Hyde driver<\/a><\/p>\n

I got married around that age and ended up getting a divorce a year later because I didn\u2019t know who I was yet.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

My daughter has been dating this guy for five years, and while that is more than enough time to get to know each other, they are going to change so much in their 20s that I fear things may go south quickly.<\/p>\n

Her fiance seems like a kind person, and I don\u2019t have any major issues with him, which makes this even more complicated. This isn\u2019t about disliking him; it\u2019s about fearing that they may be committing too soon without experiencing enough independence.<\/p>\n

I worry that if things don\u2019t work out, she could end up going through the same kind of heartbreak and instability I experienced. At the same time, I don\u2019t want to project my past onto her or make her feel like I don\u2019t support her happiness.<\/p>\n

How do I express my concerns without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I don\u2019t trust her judgment? Should I say anything at all, or is this a lesson she may need to learn on her own?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Engaged<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR ENGAGED<\/strong>: Let your daughter live her life. Since you like her fiance, give them space to see what happens.<\/p>\n

Perhaps they are ready and can withstand the tosses and turns of life. You can ask them to envision their future and talk about how they plan to get there. That will help them think ahead.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Berkeley man charged with girlfriend\u2019s murder<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Harriette Cole: I wanted to take the wheel for the day, and now he’s not talking to me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":92,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: My boyfriend insists that driving is part of his role as the man - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1239\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: My boyfriend insists that driving is part of his role as the man - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I wanted to take the wheel for the day, and now he's not talking to me.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1239\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-05T09:07:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: My boyfriend insists that driving is part of his role as the man\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-05T09:07:48+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239\"},\"wordCount\":696,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/0139233f8c854ca253912d1b9432926f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1239\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: My boyfriend insists that driving is part of his role as the man - 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