{"id":1083,"date":"2026-06-03T08:39:18","date_gmt":"2026-06-03T08:39:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1083"},"modified":"2026-06-03T08:39:18","modified_gmt":"2026-06-03T08:39:18","slug":"miss-manners-my-neighbor-wants-to-know-how-she-offended-me-i-just-want-her-to-go-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1083","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: My neighbor wants to know how she offended me. I just want her to go away."},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: How should one respond when an acquaintance asks, \u201cHave I done something to offend you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: June 3, record climb up Yosemite\u2019s El Capitan documented in \u2018Free Solo\u2019<\/a><\/p>\n

I have a neighbor with whom I\u2019ve tried to be friendly. Over the course of a few months, she\u2019s made unpleasant remarks, overstepped invitations to my home and insistently passed on information that I knew to be false.<\/p>\n

For example, I had her and a few other women over for tea, and as I was welcoming them into the house, she asked if she could show them the upstairs. I said that I\u2019d prefer she not, but she barreled past me up the stairs, saying she was sure it was fine.<\/p>\n

I have rebuffed her latest attempts to get together with vague excuses such as, \u201cMaybe some other time\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m actually quite busy right now.\u201d So now she wants to know if she\u2019s offended me in some way.<\/p>\n

I have no desire to pursue this friendship or \u201ctalk things out.\u201d I certainly don\u2019t wish to return her rudeness with more rudeness on my part.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s a reasonable, yet firm, response? \u201cYes, actually, you have offended me\u201d?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: That is a firm response, and possibly a reasonable one, given the circumstances. But Miss Manners will tell you what you already know: It is not the response you want, because then you are going to have to explain how this woman offended you. This will end with you giving tours of your bedroom suite to her visiting college roommates and their spouses and children.<\/p>\n

What you want is a way to make her leave you alone, which can be accomplished with your best look of deep concern and the return question of, \u201cWhat ever would make you say that?\u201d Then appear not to be paying too much attention when she answers, in the hope that she will review her own actions.<\/p>\n

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DEAR MISS MANNERS:<\/strong> I have a friend who lives several states away, and we usually communicate through text. I texted him asking for a big favor.<\/p>\n

Read more San Jose City Council race: Initial results point to District 9 runoff, Genny Altwer leads<\/a><\/p>\n

The next day, on social media, he posted about two very recent deaths in his life. I texted my condolences and offered my availability if he needed someone to talk to or anything else I could do to help. Obviously he is grieving, and I am totally sensitive to that.<\/p>\n

Should I forget about the whole favor I asked him? Or what is an appropriate amount of time to allow someone to grieve before raising the subject again? The favor is not time-sensitive and can wait however long is needed.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Before we get to your question, one thing you can do for your friend right now is to release him from the obligation of having to respond to the current request. \u201cPlease do not worry about responding to my request of yesterday\u201d does that without foreclosing future requests.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It also frees you to move to a Plan B, if this is the kind of favor that can be done by someone else.<\/p>\n

If you do wish to repeat the request in the future, Miss Manners recommends that you wait until you have had several exchanges of a tone that pre-date his recent losses \u2014 in other words, after things have returned to a semblance of normality.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Tomas Hertl a hero for Vegas after getting call from ex-Sharks teammate<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do I have to have this conversation if I have no interest in a friendship?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":90,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: My neighbor wants to know how she offended me. I just want her to go away. - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1083\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: My neighbor wants to know how she offended me. 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