{"id":1006,"date":"2026-06-02T09:38:26","date_gmt":"2026-06-02T09:38:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1006"},"modified":"2026-06-02T09:38:26","modified_gmt":"2026-06-02T09:38:26","slug":"asking-eric-my-friend-blew-up-at-me-over-the-stalking-case","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1006","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My friend blew up at me over the stalking case"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: A good friend of 30 years lashed out at me.<\/p>\n

During a group dinner she announced that she was going to apply for a restraining order against someone who has been harassing and stalking her. This is a person with whom I play volleyball once a week. The person sometimes tries to talk to me about my good friend. I tell him not to do that, and I stay out of the issue. He never admitted to me harassing or stalking my friend.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I got fired from dog-sitting. Did I handle the situation poorly?<\/a><\/p>\n

During the dinner my good friend asked everyone for supporting declarations. I declined to do so. I\u2019ve been a lawyer for 40 years and had extensive experience in restraining orders. I know that my declaration would not benefit her application for the restraining order, as I had no personal knowledge of the harassing or stalking.<\/p>\n

She told me I was not her friend, and she did not want to do anything with me. This really shocked me. I think it is my business who I play volleyball with.<\/p>\n

In the past I offered her my help in drafting the application for a restraining order. I hope she prevails in her request now, and had she asked me I would have assisted her in drafting it in a lawyer-like manner. I\u2019m not sure how to respond to her anger.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Shocked Friend<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friend:<\/strong> If you have extensive experience in restraining orders, it\u2019s surprising that you don\u2019t see how your volleyball friend has conscripted you into his alleged stalking.<\/p>\n

You write that you tell him not to ask about your good friend and then \u201cstay out of the issue.\u201d If you know there\u2019s an issue, or suspect there is, and have been made uncomfortable by the volleyball friend\u2019s request, then I\u2019d expect you\u2019d be more empathetic to your good friend\u2019s request.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It doesn\u2019t sound like your good friend is asking you to be judge and jury. It sounds like she\u2019s expressing the very real fear and concern that stalking and harassment provoke, and you\u2019ve responded in a way that downplays her concerns.<\/p>\n

I know that you offered to help draft the restraining order in the past. It\u2019s important to recognize that\u2019s not the support she asked for right now.<\/p>\n

If there\u2019s any contact between you going forward, she\u2019ll likely have trouble trusting you, so that\u2019s something you should consider and attempt to address with an apology.<\/p>\n

One more thing to think about: If you\u2019re willing to help draft a restraining order against a friend, it suggests that you don\u2019t think the order is without merit. So, you should ask yourself why you\u2019d want to continue a friendship with the person she\u2019s accusing.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: How do we tell these families that the campout food isn\u2019t free?<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> On a recent visit at my daughter\u2019s home, I saw that the drywall in her house had recently been repaired. The repair was to both sides of a wall.<\/p>\n

When I asked my daughter about it, she said her husband had damaged the wall when he got angry about something but immediately assured me that he had never hit a person.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, I am very concerned about her husband\u2019s issues with anger management after this incident. They have one child, a toddler, and I visit their home overnight on a regular basis to provide childcare.<\/p>\n

I am worried that if I express too much concern to my daughter, she may tell her husband, and my access to my grandchild may be affected. I have seen other signs of inappropriate anger from my son-in-law, sometimes directed at my daughter but more often at other people.<\/p>\n

I have not said anything to anyone about these concerns, but this is the first time I have seen his anger manifest into this type of property damage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.<\/p>\n

\u2013 In a Quandary<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Quandary<\/strong>: Even if your son-in-law hasn\u2019t been physically violent toward your daughter, his angry outbursts create a dangerous environment for her and for your grandchild. As someone who is sometimes in the house overnight, it\u2019s also potentially dangerous for you, too. So, you\u2019re right to be concerned.<\/p>\n

Start by talking with her, prioritizing listening and a nonjudgmental position. Helping a family member to see that they\u2019re in a potentially abusive situation requires that they trust you and see you as a resource. It may be slower going than you would like. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has more helpful guidance for how to have these conversations.<\/p>\n

If he decides to limit your access to your grandchild, that\u2019s the kind of isolating behavior that\u2019s a hallmark of emotional abuse. Suggest that she create a safety plan, guidance for which can also be found on the Hotline\u2019s site. And encourage her to talk with others, as well. This isn\u2019t something that you should take on by yourself.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My wife cried over this man but she won\u2019t admit an affair<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: Who I play volleyball with is my own business.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My friend blew up at me over the stalking case - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1006\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My friend blew up at me over the stalking case - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Eric Thomas: Who I play volleyball with is my own business.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=1006\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-02T09:38:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: My friend blew up at me over the stalking case\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-02T09:38:26+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006\"},\"wordCount\":917,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=1006\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: My friend blew up at me over the stalking case - 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