DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I have started going out with my friends to clubs and bars, and I find it to be fun, especially the club. I love getting dressed up, taking cute pictures with my friends and dancing with pretty people all night.
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Of course, with going out comes some drinking. I don’t drink excessively, but I do drink a little bit.
Growing up, my dad was an alcoholic and drank all day, every day. I always told myself I would never drink because I didn’t want to end up like him.
Becoming an alcoholic is genuinely my biggest fear. I keep wondering whether going out will cause me to become like him.
Am I just stressing myself out? Do you think I have a right to be scared? Do you have any recommendations on how to calm my mind?
— Stressed at the Club
DEAR STRESSED AT THE CLUB: Monitor your behavior. Watch your patterns. Are you able to be a social drinker and stop when you have had enough? How much do you drink?
If you notice that you are drinking excessively, alone or to the point where you cannot function, step back.
I have a friend who comes from a family of alcoholics. His personal check is to drink no alcohol for at least two weeks straight in every month to ensure that he remains in control of himself. If you can’t do that, seek help.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I married my husband about five years ago, and his family always expects us to host for holidays and other celebrations. I am reaching my breaking point.
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My husband and I are both successful and have been able to buy a large home. My husband’s family is huge, so our home accommodates everyone the best, so I understand where they are coming from. However, it feels unfair to always have to be in charge of making the bulk of the food and having to put the time into cleaning and setting up the house for guests.
I love my husband’s family and genuinely enjoy having everyone together, so I don’t want them to think that I don’t appreciate spending time with them. The problem is that hosting has slowly become an expectation rather than something we voluntarily offer to do.
Every holiday, I find myself making lists, grocery shopping, preparing food, cleaning the house and making sure everything is ready before everyone arrives. By the time our guests get there, I am usually exhausted and don’t feel like I get to enjoy the celebration myself.
Should I ask my husband’s family whether someone else can start hosting some holidays instead of everyone always coming to our house?
— No More Hosting
DEAR NO MORE HOSTING: Talk to your husband first as you need him to be on the same page as you on this.
Think about who else could host — including who did it before. Well in advance of the next holiday, speak to whomever you think will be most willing to hear you out, and recommend a rotation in hosting duties.
If your idea gets little traction, consider asking family members to participate in a potluck where everyone brings a dish, taking the full burden for the event off you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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